they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
