I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I've blown a few things in my day
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
