I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
