if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
