i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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