We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
