Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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