"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
