Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
