Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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