OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
