white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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