He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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