You can't motorboat a personality
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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