Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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