2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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