I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
