my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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