Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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