he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
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I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
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I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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