omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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