I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
