There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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