8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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