There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
