As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
