the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
that may or may not have been my penis.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
