this beer tastes like vomit already
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
