i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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