If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
