The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
