i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
