and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
