Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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