i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
