is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
