Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
