Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
