When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize