She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
