Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
