If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
