I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
