This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
