I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
