Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
