It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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