the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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