I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
