I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
