At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
