Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
