If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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