Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
