Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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