I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
