they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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