I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
