week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
