so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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