i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
