His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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