You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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