apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
