She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
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My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
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So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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